The citizens of Pine Ridge, Colorado, have unanimously elected a fluffy golden retriever named Biscuit to lead their town council. His platform - distributed via interpretive dance performed by local children - promised ‘more tennis balls in public spaces’ and ‘weekly belly rub audits.’ Since taking office, Biscuit has napped through 93% of council meetings while achieving record-setting municipal satisfaction scores. ‘He hasn’t raised taxes once,’ noted resident Gary Miller, ‘and he licked my face when I complained about potholes. That’s more than my last senator did.’ Biscuit’s first executive order banned all non-squeaky toys within city limits.